Most unfortunately, I straight up come from a family of worriers. I love my family dearly, but God damn, this has surely caused some substantial stresses and unnecessary anguish for all involved over the years. Like all experiences in life however, these negative attributes have taught me some very big lessons. I'm going to make a case to you today as to why you should abstain from giving people what I call "food for speculation". This does two very important things. It reduces stress for these types of people plagued with overactive and worrisome minds, and in turn, it reduces your stress level in not having to deal with their gyrations.
So what is "food for speculation"? Well, anything that is not a hard fact is in my brain some form of mind food that someone else can consume and react to in many different ways, often adversely. Why is is this? Facts are definitive. Indisputable. The hard and real. Something that can actually be processed and dealt with accordingly due to it's nature of truth. Think of a calculator. If you give it actual numbers, it can derive meaningful data. On the other hand, we have this "mind food" that I speak of. Things that are not defined. To be determined. The what-ifs in life. The unknown nature of a statement. To the worrisome individual, this is the launch point for their brains to think up all sorts of wacky possibilities of what this might equate to. Think of the calculator again, if you don't give it good numbers to crunch, the thing doesn't know what to do. It starts smoking. It can't figure out shit. It melts down on the inside. That's how people with worrisome natures go through life.
It's crazy, but the reality is that some people just can't handle it if you give them food for speculation. They go off the God damned deep end real quick, and reliably every time. They start tripping out. They come up with all this shit in their minds that will never happen, then they turn it back on you. They start freaking the fuck out. OH MY GOD! WHAT IF THIS! WHAT IF THAT! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT THIS! YOU BETTER DO XYZ NOW OTHERWISE THIS YADDA YADDA WILL HAPPEN! They just simply CANNOT DEAL. You need to identify these types of people in your life, and you need to learn to handle them appropriately, for their sake and yours. YOU DO NOT NEED THIS STRESS IN YOUR LIFE.
Don't mince my message here. Don't get this shit twisted of what I am about to tell you. I am NOT saying to lie to your people. I am NOT saying to withhold things from your people. I am NOT saying to hide things from your people. I am NOT saying to deceive your people. None of those things. But what I am saying, is that you need to put some real thought and consideration into WHAT you are telling your people, and that is a very big point of differentiation here. You need to ask yourself, am I giving my people FACTS, or am I giving my people anything else that could leave them the latitude to speculate over a situation?
Here's a small example.
Scenario #1:
8am - Hey Mom, I got a text from your tenant at the rental condo this morning. They said something about a puddle of water they noticed by the shower stall? I'm gonna swing by there later and see what's up.
OH MY GOD! ARE YOU SERIOUS! A WATER PUDDLE?? WHAT IF A PIPE IS BURST?! WHAT IF IT FLOODS THE BATHROOM! WHAT IF IT COSTS THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS TO REPAIR! WHAT IF THEY WANT US TO PUT THEM UP IN A HOTEL WHILE THE PLUMBER RIPS APART THE BATHROOM! THIS IS GONNA COST US! I JUST KNOW THIS IS GONNA BE REAL BAD! I KNEW IT, WE SHOULD HAVE SOLD THAT CONDO YEARS AGO AND NEVER GOT INTO THE RENTAL GAME! YOU SEE! I TOLD YOU ALL ALONG THIS WAS A BAD IDEA! I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! YOU BETTER DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS ASAP BEFORE THIS SHIT GETS WORSE! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, GO NOW!
Hey Mom, would you just chill out? You're stressing me out. I'll go there after work.
{Mom continues to consternate all day}
6pm - Hey Mom, I swung by the condo real quick after work. The shower door just popped out of it's hinge a little bit causing some water to escape from the shower stall. I just snapped her back into place and all is back to normal. No problem.
Oh, well, uhh, I guess that wasn't that bad after-all.
Yeah, thanks a lot for stressing me out unnecessarily and shaving years off your own life. Good Job...love you!
Scenario #2a
8am - Hey Mom, just wanted to call to check in. Everything good with you today? Ok, great, have a good day there, talk to you soon.
{Mom happily goes about her business all day}
6pm - Hey Mom, how was your day? Just wanted to give you a quick call and fill you in, I got a message from your tenant earlier. I stopped by the condo on the way home from work and the shower door had popped out of its hinge causing a little water to leak onto the floor. No biggie, I just snapped the door back into place and all is normal again.
Oh darn, well thanks for taking care of that. Glad it was something small and didn't cost anything to repair. Enjoy your evening, talk to you later.
OR
Scenario #2b
8am - Hey Mom, just wanted to call to check in. Everything good with you today? Ok, great, have a good day there, talk to you soon.
{Mom happily goes about her business all day}
6pm - Hey Mom, Got a call from your tenant today. Water leak found in the bathroom, plumber coming on Monday, $1100 to repair. Everything is taken care of.
Oh darn, that's unfortunate and pricey, but...ok. Thanks for handling it.
I hope it is easy to see my point here. In the first instance, the mother is left all sorts of room for mental gyrations due to the nature of the statement. The unknown. The door is left wide open and there is all sorts of room for her to speculate over what may come of the situation. This is what happens when you don't speak in absolutes with these sorts of people. In the second scenario, only FACTS are delivered. There is no mystery here. There is nothing to be speculated over in the first place. Even, in the case of scenario #2b, "bad" news of an expensive repair is moved beyond relatively quickly without the same form of preemptive static - AKA a whole bunch of unnecessary bullshit.
I don't know bout you, but I sincerely make a concerted effort to reduce stress in every aspect of my life conceivable. This is a big place where this can be accomplished. Unfortunately, sometimes it is those closest to us that are the ones who bring this form of stress into our lives. They don't do it on purpose. It's their shortcoming in life that they are dealing with, and that's fine. We still love them, but guys, you have GOT to learn how to walk the line here in your life. Try to always remember this, very generally speaking, most people tend to react better to facts. Plain and simple. Use this to YOUR advantage in life. Don't forget it.
If you are ever in doubt, you need to take pause and ask yourself just one thing...am I stating facts? Or am I not? Do I actually know and understand all of what's going on here? If the answer to that is NO, then hold your horses. WAIT till you've got the FACTS. I recommend you don't give people food for speculation whenever possible. It's just better for all parties. But hey, you go do whatever you feel like you need to do. You'll learn at some point.
FACTS! FACTS! FACTS! FACTS! FACTS! FACTS!
Talk in facts...
Here's a fact...you're the shit. You've got this. Don't let "em" stress you out. You've got more important things to worry about in life.
No comments:
Post a Comment