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12.29.2021

First Date Standards


 

Getting to know a new person is an interesting process. What a weird time. The first date in particular hopefully is casual and low intensity. Keeps the pressure off of both parties. Something easy should be in order the first time you meet someone under romantic pretenses. In the spirit of just that notion, I hope what I'm about to talk about resonates with you guys out there.

I used to not pay much regard to this principle, but at this point in life the character analysis starts before I even show up in person on a 1st date. Furthermore, I've adopted some personal 1st date standards that I don't break, and hope that you would too at some point. You can do whatever you want, but I feel like at some juncture in your life any rational man would arrive at these same conclusions. Of course, this will probably come after years of bullshit and countless hours and dollars wasted away. Flushed down the toilet. Might as well have not ever happened. Yeah, that sucks. I can tell you this first hand.

All throughout life we develop standards. Moral standards that direct the way we act in life. Why do we have these standards? Well, because we believe there is a difference between right and wrong, and that's totally up to you as to where the lines are drawn and become crossed. But whatever your beliefs are, you have to stand by them, you have to uphold them, and you have to recognize when they are being encroached upon and/or smashed to pieces. This is more a matter between what is right and what is wrong than it is some ego trip. Are you a person who stands up for what's right in life? Or are you a spineless sack of meat that bends over and takes it just to try to "get" what you want in life? Think about it...to what lengths are you willing to go just to "try" to "get the girl"?

This is my point here guys, just to get you to think about your standards. What are they? What are you comfortable with on a first date? What do you think is RIGHT for a first date? What do you think is fair to you on a first date? What are you willing to deal with on a first date? What are you willing to lose on a first date if things don't go well? These are all things that are completely up to you, but as I said, you need to contemplate your standards, know what they are, and apply them in your dating life, even when it becomes difficult and you are tempted by whatever it is that excites you about this potential new woman in your life. 

If you can apply and uphold your standards, I can guarantee you that it will help you avoid the dirt bags of the Earth, have more fun with your dating, and more efficiently move you toward the people that really deserve a place in your life, a sharp contrast to allowing women to take advantage of you for personal gain, all for you to end up with nothing in the end. 

The following are just my opinions. Take them with  grain of salt, but after reading this, I hope the general message resonates with you and you can begin to operate with some form of standards in your life as they apply specifically to your first dates with a woman. Your standards are completely up to you to decide. Just have some, that's all I ask.

The first date should be something extremely casual, doesn't require more than about $10-$15, offers an "easy" or timely out should things not be enjoyable, and provides for some appreciable means of conversation. That's the whole point here. Simply talking, and feeling the other person out a little, testing if there's chemistry. You will know this simply by being in close proximity and nothing else. Something ultra simple here is all that's required, and if she's sincerely interested in you, she'll be totally fine with that as well. Remember these words here...SINCERELY INTERESTED. That's a big portion of the goal here. Trying to separate the women in life who have this for you, and trying to weed out those that DO NOT.

My ideal 1st dates are meeting for coffee, ice cream, boba tea, or something comparable. These check all the boxes in my mind of what I have just mentioned. This first date should be ALL ABOUT knowing me as a man, and has nothing to do with IMPRESSING the other person with external things. How about impressing them with your personality? Therefore, the circumstances of the date have absolutely no relevance. It DOES NOT MATTER where, when, or what is being consumed while this takes place. My job here is simply to provide a small window of time and a physical public, safe, comfortable location for all of this to occur. I say it again, it does not matter where the date takes place if this woman is sincerely interested in getting to know the man that you are. Plain and simple.

Now then, let's consider a very common twist on the situation that all too often these days takes place. You make an INVITE. A yes or no offer. Do you want to join me for ________? A statement of what you want to do, cuz, you know, you're the one INVITING (and paying after all, right?). But right away, the situation morphs into something else...

 "Hey would you like to go have a cup of coffee with me on Saturday?"  "Hmm, I don't know, how about we go have a couple glasses of wine?" Or better yet, "Hmm, I don't know, how about we go to this nice fancy really expensive new restaurant in town I've been wanting to try?"

Let's analyze this. In an instant, this went from a casual, friendly, let's just get to know one another a little bit, INVITE...to a NEGOTIATION. Yes, a negotiation, just like in business. What you're offering isn't to my liking, and I'm going to try bargaining for more. I'm going to counter your invite with an alternative. Whoa wait, are you inviting me on the date, or am I inviting you? Who's asking who out here? Isn't this man territory? So, right off the bat, I'm going to try to up the ante on your behalf. I'm going to make a suggestion of what I WANT to do. I seriously laugh a little these days when women do this. Why don't they just come out and say it like it is? "Buy me stuff. Buy me drinks. Feed me. Before I've done anything for you, just gimme gimme gimme".

Red flag #1. This tells you a lot about what type of woman she is. Does this really sound like someone who is sincerely interested in getting to know the man that you are? Or does this sound like someone who is interested in other things? Think about it...

Consider this too. "Premium" dates, i.e., fancy restaurant, expensive event tickets, extravagant outing, etc., these are things you do for your girlfriend or WIFE of 5 years on her birthday or anniversary! A gesture to show them how much you care for them, enjoy their company, and as a reward for being a loving, caring partner to you. A show of gratitude. A SPECIAL thing. Now, why on Earth would you give this "reward" away to a stranger on a 1st date? They haven't done anything to earn this sort of treatment. WTF?

The thing is guys, girls know full well of this reality, and therefore actions such as these should be regarded as a direct tell of her interest level in you. And you really need to consider that when you are trying to figure out how much energy and money to invest into a woman. A woman who's gunning for the steak house on a 1st date, odds are she's got lukewarm or barely any romantic interest in you, and just wants to get dressed up, go out, and eat a really nice steak. A woman who's got sky high interest in you, she doesn't give a shit what you do with her the 1st time you meet her out. You could invite her to drop shit off at the dump in your pickup truck and she'd be happy just to be with you.

Here's the basic game play if things are just going totally sideways and your invite has turned into a negotiation. If she's not up for what you're offering on a first date, i.e. a date that meet's your personal standards, then cordially and politely retract the offer. Leave the door open if you'd like, and simply let her know to reach out if she changes her mind or becomes free for whatever your offer was. Then...you walk away...leave it alone. The ball is in her court. If she's truly, genuinely, sincerely interested in you...she'll reach out when she's ready. No prodding necessary. In fact, she will probably come back with a slightly higher respect level for you because you showed strength and didn't cave in to a ridiculous 1st date. If not, well, you just saved yourself a few headaches and a bunch of bucks. Pat yourself on the back.

What I'm trying to get you guys to do is uphold a set of standards for your 1st dates. Pick a set of standards that you are comfortable with and uphold them. Don't break them for anybody. Learn to stare right through that exterior beauty and ascertain that other person's intentions with you. Learn to expect the manipulative tactics and thwart them without care. Mark my words, she's gonna try to shame you and call you "cheap". Who cares. This goes far above being cheap. It's not about the money. It's about upholding morality and holding not only yourself, but those around you to a higher standard, including her and your fellow men. Set an example for others to follow. Be bold. STAND UP for what you believe is right. Learn to spot those who have sincere interest in you and those that don't. Don't ALLOW yourself to be taken advantage of. That's not right, is it?

There's always gonna be some other guy out there who's willing to do the steak house 1st date. That will never change. I'm just trying to get it to not be YOU. Let him spend the time and the money to not get anything in return. More power to him. Let her come back around to you when she's thinking more clearly. Or better yet, learn to WALK AWAY before you even get started with these types of shitty women who only seek to use people when all the while they know they're not really interested in them.

Let me remind you, you are a human being. A PERSON of value. That is the pot of gold in dating you. Not what's in your wallet. You NEED to start thinking this way. It's simply your presence. Your soul. Who you are. 

STANDARDS guys. Standards. Have them. Uphold them. She's got standards too mind you. She's not gonna sleep with you on the 1st date. That's a GOOD standard to have. A GOLDEN standard. She's not gonna break hers. Why do you break yours? What are your gold standards?

You know when you put in for a new job, they have requirements? Well, same thing here...she's gotta meet your standards just the same way that you've gotta meet hers.

Standards do 2 things at the end of the day...preserves your dignity...keeps you away from the shit. You gotta use 'em though...good luck out there. It's a jungle...


 



 


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