I'll never forget this pizza joint my parents used to take me and my sisters to when I was a little kid. I still remember the name. Primo's Pizza. It was a big deal for us to go there on a Friday or Saturday night as a family. It was just something fun for us all to do. Something we looked forward to. Sometimes it was used as a reward for making good grades at school. We freaking loved the place. Funny thing is, the pizza had nothing to do with it. I could have cared less. The true appeal for me was this little arcade area they used to have in the far back of the restaurant. I was a child of the 80's. If you weren't around for this era, this probably wont mean much to you, but for any of you out there that can relate, you know the feeling when your parents would give you a handful of quarters so you could go back there and knock yourself out playing games or doing whatever. These coins. They had an immense value. You knew you had to spend them wisely...
One thing that ALWAYS caught my attention in the arcade was this God damned gumball machine. For some reason, it mesmerized me. I wanted so badly to chomp on one of those gumballs and spend the rest of my coins playing Ninja Turtles and Metal Slug. So, I made my first stop off in the arcade at the gumball machine. I inserted my quarter, twisted that honking metal crank, and waited for the ball to drop. Ugh...hmm...well that's weird. I just heard a bunch of noises and saw some things shifting, but no gumball! WTF! Hmm, ok, well, surely if I put another quarter in the machine, it will knock whatever loose in there, and 2 gumballs will come out! K, here we go. KRANK KRANK KRANK. Hmm, ok, well fuck. No gumball?? Maybe one more quarter will work...here we go...ok, nope...no gumball. That went on for a few more times. Before I knew it I had totally depleted my quarters and had NO MONEY left to play any other games. What a rip off. This isn't fair! This isn't right! My night ended in frustration.
Now the silly thing is, you would think I'd have learned my lesson the 1st time around. Nope. I can't tell you how many times my family and I returned to that pizza parlor and the same story played out in the arcade for me. There's something wrong with this picture, and I think by now you probably know where I am going with this.
I didn't realize it at the time, but this little story is a profound euphemism for life. Those quarters....those are representative of the love that you have got to give. The love you have to give to your friends, your families, your partners, your jobs, your everything. They are worth a lot. They certainly should not be given away freely without ever getting anything in return. The gumball machine is of course representative of all of these various external elements in our lives.
The area in my life where this concept has really stuck me has to do with various relationships that I have had. Some with friends, but a few lovers specifically where this has really rang so true.
I think all of us have had experiences where we keep putting love endlessly into something and never get ANYTHING back for it. How long are you going to do that? How many quarters are you gonna burn? What's your threshold? At what point are you gonna cut your losses and find another gumball machine that will actually give you something when you put your priceless love into it? At what point does your situation just become ridiculous? Well, only you know that. I can't answer that question for you. But I want you to think long and hard about that.
Life is a little fucked up at times, isn't it? You get into these situations where you begin to think that you have to give love continuously and endlessly to something until the day you die. Not sure why we think that way, but that is something I'm sure we have all been guilty of at one point or another. This happens a lot with romantic partners unfortunately, but is certainly not limited to that specifically.
If you find yourself in this sort of life trap, I want you to imagine that you are outside of your body looking back at this little kid from the 3rd person perspective. You are watching this little kid stuff quarters into a lame gumball machine that returns nothing, time after time. What advice would you have for the little kid?
I simply want to remind you of a few things here:
1. Your love has more value than your small human brain can understand.
2. You are supposed to get something back when you give it out.
3. If you are not experiencing a reciprocity, it's time to go.
4. YOU DESERVE THAT GUMBALL!
Don't kid yourself your whole life. Yes you do. You deserve that gumball just as much as every other human being on this Earth deserves that gumball. You weren't put here to sacrifice your life and every last iota of love that you have got to give until the day you die for someone or some thing that doesn't appreciate you nor give you back gumballs. That is NOT what the universe had intended for you.
The next time you find yourself in one of these sorts of jams, I want you to remember this story. I want you to remember the gumball machine. I want you to ask yourself...how long? How many quarters is enough?
KNOW this also, there are many good gumball machines in the universe that work quite well...
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