Ah, the cold approach. One of the most challenging and nerve wracking things for us males to do. To walk up to a complete stranger and engage them in hopes for some meaningful moments that can translate into further contact and perhaps one day long down the line a substantive relationship. What a heavy thing to face. And needless to say, these things would be easy to do if success were a guarantee, but as we all well know, it is NOT. Furthermore, we know in the back of our minds how painful rejection can be. All these elements lead up to an intensive mental battle that must be overcome if we are to make the cold approach in the first place and execute it smoothly and present ourselves as best as we possibly can in this very awkward moment. After all, no matter how much that other person might be feeling you and no matter how well you present, the shit is just awkward. There's no two ways about it.
The cool thing is, that when a cold approach goes well, it's one of the best feelings in the world. Talk about a true sense of power. It's good for both sides if you think about it too. It catches a woman off guard, creates excitement, flattery and a large sense of self worth in her brain. Both sides become charged up by the interaction in a manner that can just never be rivaled by any other means of meeting a new person. Certainly more invigorating than being formally introduced to somebody, and in a whole other universe as compared to the online dating world of horse shit where these same elements of real world chemistry are not experienced.
I could go on an on about the semantics of the cold approach, but that's not what I want to talk about today. I want to talk about one very specific aspect of the cold approach that I feel will take you to the next level, yield better results in general, and garner less pain if the moment turns into a dumpster fire.
This aspect is that of your MINDSET or very specifically, your GOAL when you are trying to approach a woman. If I were to ask the average guy, "hey what is your goal in walking up to that hot woman and trying to talk to her?" I think their answer would be the obvious, "well, my goal is to get her number." Sure, that would be a great outcome, but the point I am going to make here is that this should NOT be your goal at all in the moment. When you approach with this at the very forefront of your mind, it creates problems of its own. If all you are thinking the whole time you are tying to talk to her is -Get her number. Get her number. Get her number. Get her number. Get her number.- like a scrolling marquee sign. This becomes highly distracting. You begin to disengage from the moment. The conversation quickly becomes weird. You aren't listening nor processing much of what she's saying. You cease to have intelligent conversation. You might even start jumping topics erratically, or trying to zip to the end of the line and awkwardly shift gears out of what's being discussed and expedite right to your closing "ask" - her digits. I mean think about this for a second, she's starting to tell you what she does for work and you don't even respond naturally to her statement, you blurt out something unrelated, then you tie it off with an invite for a future meet up? If you could only be a fly on the wall you would quickly observe how ridiculous this is. And it's no surprise, that when things start going down this way your chances quickly dwindle, no matter how high her initial attraction to you was. This all relates to the very initial mindset you had when you broke the ice.
What I want to give you is the RIGHT mindset to have when you make your approach. The correct GOAL, your ONLY goal, should be this: I want to FEEL her energy.
That's it. Plain and simple. No more, no less. Forget about her number. Forget about seeing her next week. Forget about talking to her ever again. None of those things should be of your concern in this very focal moment. Your ONLY concern should be gauging a sense of whether you are getting good energy back from her or bad energy back from her. Right off the bat, this unloads a SHIT LOAD of pressure off you. What a weight off your chest. Success of this goal is almost guaranteed. The feeling out of energy is something that you can accomplish 100% of the time no mater what. It is not dependent on anyone else but yourself. Wow, I like those odds. This is a sharp contrast to the former, where mission accomplishment means you got her number. No guys, mission accomplishment here means that you accomplished your one and only goal - feeling her energy.
This mindset does a couple highly advantageous things for you. Number one, it allows you to stay much more engaged in the moment and forces you to be analytical of the way she is acting. Is she open to communicating? Is she trying to get away? Is she asking me questions? What's her body language like? Does she seem interested in the moment? What are her eyes doing? Is she making me feel like I'm bothering her? What's the tonality of her voice? Am I getting a good vibe from her or a bad vibe? And a million other variables that you know full well how to read. Your odds of staying engaged in a naturally flowing conversation increase substantially when you intently prioritize the goal of simply "feeling out energy".
The other really big advantage that you are afforded here, is that you get to save face if shit really starts to hit the fan. If at the end of a couple minutes worth of interaction, your read is a negative, you are getting nothing but bad vibes from her, you get to pull the ejection handle without ever having that embarrassing feeling of taking a shot at her number, missing, and walking away with a fresh dose of rejection coursing through your veins. Man, I can't tell you what a relief it is knowing that you don't have to carry that with you for the rest of your day because you never gave her anything to reject in the first place. You get to walk away in pride, head held high. On to the next. She didn't earn the right to see you again. Steering clear of bad energy and all the bullshit and games that might come along with it should you manage to get her number despite these things is NOT worth your time.
Some of you may disagree with this last point here. You might say something like, I don't care, I'm just gonna roll the dice, try my luck...a shot never fired is a sure miss...I'm gonna just ask for her number regardless. I say...fuck that. You need to enhance your sense of self worth. She's lucky that you chose her out of the other billions of women walking the face of the earth and for the good fortune that a high value individual such as yourself would offer your presence in her life. Why would you reward bitchy, repellent behavior with an offer for anymore of your valuable time? No, fuck that. She wasn't interested. She doesn't get to take your dignity away at the end of a shitty moment. You walk away with your balls in tact. If she's not giving you good energy back, you punch out.
That's pretty much it guys. The new flow chart of how you make your cold approaches should look like this:
Break the Ice -> Engage in casual conversation -> Detect Energy:
If GOOD -> Ask for number
If BAD -> Leave
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